Kids with Asperger’s and other autism spectrum disorders face a number of challenges every day. One of these is difficulty expressing their needs. When kids with Asperger’s face a problematic situation and don’t know how to handle it, they may “short circuit,” causing a meltdown. In his book “The Explosive Child,” Dr. Ross Greene explains this as a type of learning disability – a deficit in the area of emotional control.
When a meltdown occurs, it can be frightening. The child may seem completely different from the one you normally know. He or she may lash out angrily -- hitting, kicking, screaming or cursing. When managing a meltdown, you may find yourself in crisis mode as well, detaching emotionally in the same way a first responder might at the scene of an accident. Logic and reasoning seem to go out the window and trying to use them on your child may only escalate the situation.
When your child hits meltdown stage, it’s important to keep these tactics in mind to get everyone through it safely until your child has calmed down and is able to think clearly again.
5 Steps for Managing Meltdowns
- Keep everyone safe. If your child hits, kicks and breaks things during meltdowns, the most important thing to do when control is lost is to keep your child and yourself safe. This may mean getting him into his room or getting yourself out of the way.
- Stay calm. This can be the most challenging part of dealing with the meltdown. When your child is hysterical, it’s easy to want to melt down yourself and you may feel tempted to yell or scream back. All this will do is escalate the situation even more. Keep your voice low and reasonable and don’t allow yourself to get drawn in. If your child is in a safe place, ignoring the meltdown may be the best thing to do.
- Try to determine what caused the meltdown. While sometimes it might be difficult to pinpoint the exact cause, you may already know some of your child’s triggers. Does he get upset when noises are too loud or the lights are too bright? Was she trying to perform a challenging task and got frustrated? Has he been having trouble at school with other children? Does she freeze up at transition times? If the source of the meltdown can be determined and removed, do so. If you know the source but it will need to be dealt with later, make a note so that you can talk about it after your child has calmed down. Sometimes you may not be able to determine the cause of the meltdown and that’s okay. Once your child is calmer, see if he or she will tell you so that you can try to avoid it in the future.
- Avoid public meltdowns. The outside world can be an upsetting and scary place for a child who has trouble moderating emotions. Outside of the home, things don’t always run according to plan, which can be frustrating for kids with Asperger’s who tend towards rigidity and are often inflexible. Grocery stores in particular can be challenging places for children on the spectrum. If a meltdown happens in public, do your best to get your child to a safe and private place as quickly as possible. Your car is a good choice. Not only is it quiet, but it is also small and contained and can help your child feel safe.
- Contact a crisis line. If the meltdown is going on for a long time or is especially severe, contacting a crisis line run by a children’s hospital or your child’s therapist might be the best answer. Trained professionals can help walk you through the process of calming your child – and even yourself! – down. If your child is threatening harm to himself or others, do not hesitate to go to an emergency room. The out-of-control and unpredictable nature of meltdowns can cause your child to do something you would normally not think him or her capable of.
Amelia Ramstead - Amelia hopes that her experiences as a mother prove helpful to others as she shares what she has learned.
